FRANK ZAPPA-"Panty Rap" LYRICS

"Hello there, welcome to the show. No, we are not going

to play 'Cheepnis'- that's right-but we are collecting underpants,

and we are collecting brassieres, we are collecting small articles

of feminine underclothing. We are making a quilt... really-trust me.

So here's the deal, if you're a girl and you're wearing a dress,

whip'em off, that's it, see? No problem. Even with a pin... what

does it say? 'Nobody's perfect.' I guess so... What we got here?

Oh. Now let's see what's on the inside. Uh huh, trainer coos.

Okay. S'more s'more ... Underpants, brassieres, just send 'em up,

no problem. Oh, you'll warm up to it. If you're wearing pants and

you have bikinis on underneath your pants, rip the edges and

pull 'em out; if you're wearing those big old ugly cotton jobs go to

the toilet and take 'em off, okay? So far, ladies and gentlemen,

the response from this particular community has not been especially

gratifying. Perhaps you're a little bit too intellectual here. Here's

something ... tasteful, very tasteful... You'll get into it. Oh, some

more-look-it's almost like going to a, well, never mind. Heh, heh, heh.

I just want to remind you that you are in direct competition with Chicago,

which so far has produced the highest yield of female underclothes

of any place in the United States. Oh, here's one, thank you very much.

Chicago, if you'll recall, was the town in which we received the very

famous Voodoo Butter Underpants... heh heh ... the pants that nearly

broke Tommy Mars' neck. As soon as he took a whiff of those, his head

went back this far, and he was heard to mutter 'Jeezus.' So, we don't

care what kind of condition they're in. What've we got there? 'Twat

Book,'okay. Uh huh, very good-Zeets, whadduya think? He already

has that one ... no problem, though. Well, tonight you're gonna be

entertained by; Ike Willis on guitar and vocals; Tommy Mars on

keyboards and 'Jeezus. 'You're also going to be entertaining