FRANK ZAPPA-"Dance Contest" LYRICS

[FZ:] "One of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this

particular place, because it has-it has a stage that is conducive to, how

you say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there's one thing

that I really like, it's, uh, audience participation. Now listen... I gotta

figure out something that I can, uh-do you think we should have another

dance contest tonight? Oh, bey-the injured person dance contest. Well,

let's see ... Awright, I'll tell you what we're going to do. Here's a, here's

a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty,

hey. Okay.. "

[BUTCH:] "You are great, man-you are great. You are the best, baby.

Do 'Dinah-Moe Humm'

[FZ:] "All right, now wait a minute-what's your name? Hey, hey-what's

your name?"

[BUTCH:] "Butch."

[FZ:] "Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here's a girl who wants to dance with

Butch. What's your name?"

[LENA:] "Lena."

[FZ:] "What?"

[LENA:] "Lena."

[FZ:] "Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Hell,

heh. Okay, let's see-that guy there, with his... that-that one there with the

teeshirt on-no, no, the other one-this one-no, no-no no no, wait a minute,

wait.. . well, you're-actually, you're very nice, though. Would you like to

come up here?... Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself?... Okay,

what's your name?"

[GUY:] "Tom, man.[mumble, mumble] you, baby, I [mumble, mumble] (gurgle)

you [mumble, mmf, etc.]"

[GUY:] "Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, [etc.]"

[FZ:] "Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait..."

[GUY:] "[mumble, mmf.] Ugliness! Ugliness!"

[OTHER GUY:] "Frank, you're my buddy! Amh. mmf'.'

[FZ:] "Awright, now wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message

to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're

not cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin'-there's more

of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. Now..."

[GUY: (BUTCH?):] "Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?"

[FZ:] "Sure. All right, now you-he wants to get his girlfriend-go get your girlfriend."

[GIRL:] "Hey Zap!"

[FZ:] "Good to see you again."

[GIRL:] "Squeak!"

[FZ:] "I know."

[GUY:] "I ain't no fucking queer."

[FZ:] "All right, now look, here's what we're going to do. Awright. Now. This-it'll

be mashed, I'll save them, I'll save them for later."

[GUY:] "I'm not a fucking queer."

[FZ:] "This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he is not a queer.

He's not queer, he's not queer. Awright, and now. .. You are going to dance, like

you've never danced before ..."