FRANK ZAPPA-"The Illinois Enema Bandit" LYRICS

The Illinois Enema Bandit

I heard he's on the loose

I heard he's on the loose

Lord, the pitiful screams

Of all them college-educated women . . .

Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up

(They'd be all bound down!)

Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

[repeat]

The Illinois Enema Bandit ! heard it on the news !

I heard it on the news

Bloomington Illinois ... he has caused some alarm

Just sneakin' around there

From farm to farm

Got a rubberized bag

And a hose on his arm

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

[repeat]

The Illinois Enema Bandit

Some day he'll have to pay

Some day he'll have to pay

The police will say, "You're under arrest!"

And the judge would have him for a special guest

The D.A. will order a secret test

And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest

Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks

And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokesl"

Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,

Saying "Don't nobody have no sympathy . . .

HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"

And the Bandit might say, "Why is everbody always pickin' on me?"

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?

One girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?

TELL ME, WHAT'S YOUR PLEA?

Another girl shout; "Let fhe friend go free!"

ARE YOU GUILTY?

BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?

"he Bandit say, "It must be just what they all needs . . "

[etc. repeat]