FRANK ZAPPA-"Titties & Beer" LYRICS

It was the blackest night

There was no moon in sight

You know the stars ain't shinin'

'Cause the sky's too tight

I heard the scarey wind

I seen some ugly trees

There was a werewolf honkin'

'Long the aide of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy

Got a big titty girly by the name of Chrissy

Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . .

'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets

Was actin' weird up here

So I figured I might

Just drink a little beer

I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . "

But there was no reply

'Cause she was gone . . .

"Where's those titties I like so well,

'n' my godam beer!"

Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise

Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil , . .

He's about this big , . .

He had a red suit on

An' a widow's peak

An' then a pointed tail

'N like a sulphur reek

Yes, it was him awright,

I swear I knowed it was

He had some human flesh

Stuck underneath his claws

You know, it looked to me

Like it was titty skin

I said, "You sonofabifch!"

'Cause I was mad at him.

Well he just got out the floss

'N started cleanin' his fang

So I shot him with my shooter.

Said: BANG BANG BANG

The sucker just laughed 'n said, "Put it away . . .

You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?"

YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? "Yeah! titties 'n all!"

WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN? "Were the cans this tall?"

EVEN HER BOOTS? "Would I lie to you?"

SHIT, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! "Yes, this is true'.

'WELL DON'T THEY PAY Y'ALL GOOD FOR THE

STUFF THAT YOU DO?

"I can't complain when the checks come through . . ''

WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY, 'N I WANT MY BEER

SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL,

DO YOU HEAR!

"Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I am fhe Devil,

Do you understand?

Just what will you give me for your titties and beer?

I suppose you noticed this little contract here , . ''

YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE,

THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON

I LEARNED WRITIN' FOR . . .

GIMME THAT PAPER ... BET YER ASS

I'LL SIGN . . . 'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S TITTY-

SQUEEZIN' TIME!

"You can't fool me, man . . . you ain't that bad . . .

I mean you shoulda seen some of fhe souls I had . . .

Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew too . . .

'n both of fhose suckers was worse 'n you . .

"WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE

I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL SO ... WHATCHA GONNA DO?

[improvised dialog]

"No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think ...

I mean ... hold on a minute, boy . . . that's

Magic Ink!"

And then the Devil puked

'N out jumped m'girl

They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN'

All around the world, she said:

"I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS,

AN' I'M GONNA GET WRECKED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"

And then she gave us the finger,

It was rigid 'n stiff,

That's when the Devil, he farted

An' she went right over the cliff

The Devil was mad took off to my pad

I swear I do declare!

How did she get back there?

I swear I do declare!

How did she get back there?

[etc. repeat]